New Romantics

 

 

 

“You and I both know there’s got to be some greater line storyline for you than ‘girl gets heart broken, was sad forever.'” 

– Taylor Swift

Hello there. Hi, my younger self.

Yesterday, as we both know, I turned 22. Wasn’t it cool? I finally reached an age that I’d been waiting for. There’s no reason other than expecting a life like Taylor’s, just like what she wrote in her song, 22.

A friend of mine gave me a present for my birthday. Normally, she’d just give this empty diary book to me and tell nothing after it. Somehow, we both also know I’m not friend with ordinary people. That friend of mine gave me this diary book, then told me to fill it with words of love advice I’d like to give to my younger self. Very creative.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any stranger, she told me that she’s gonna give this to her difficult teenager niece. She said it would be useful for her, recounting me and her niece are similar to each other.

So.. well, I should’ve said hi to you, my friend’s niece, instead of my ‘younger self’. Lol I really like making things look dramatic, don’t I? However, I don’t feel any pressure writing these things down. Instead, I feel so honored and happy and thankful that I could share some things I’ve learned in life.

You see that cute guy over there? Is he your crush? Does he make you blush even by talking to him? Does he make your heart race by a slight touch?

Walk away from him. He’s not the one for you.

Do you read books? Watch movies? It’s harder if you do so. Both books and movies give us a ‘picture’ of an ‘ideal’ relationship. They make us think, “Oh, that’s what a man has to do to be called a gentleman”, “Oh, he’s hot if he has abs and green eyes”, “Oh, having sex before marriage is okay”, and some more.

Let me tell you just this once, that’s not true. It’s not. Why do you read books and watch movies? Because they’re beautiful. Words can many times make us wonder. Movies can make us imagine if we were the actors playing and speaking the dialogues. They make us imagine things, they make us hoping if only our lives were like that.

I’ve learnt from it that maybe, maybe I love differently and the way I look at it is different. Maybe you do, too?

I used to be obsessed with the idea ‘falling in love’. Love is always an interesting topic for me. I could be writing about it for pages and I won’t still be able to explain it completely. Honestly, who could?

I always believed that the signs of falling in love were when my heart raced just by looking at him in the eye or by talking to him.

When I couldn’t say his name out loud or my cheeks would turn pink. Or when I couldn’t add him on Facebook because I was worried if he would find out.

And I thought I’d fallen in love if I couldn’t explain why I chose him.

Those thoughts grew up with me until somebody showed up and proved they’re not true. At all.

He was not a popular guy at first. We were classmates and we kinda flirted and then nothing happened. Yeah, your generation might call it as a glance relationship. I wouldn’t mind call it so, since it happened so fast without any single commitment.

And so.. it went on. He’s finally a popular guy and a playboy, texted 7 girls at the same time, and one of them was me. I know, it might be surprising since I sound like a smart person.

Trust me, even the smartest people are the dumbest when it comes to love games.

Well, then I decided I couldn’t get along with his style of relationship. It’s not really a break up.. as you know, we never dated, so..

It’s not the ending you’re expecting, is it? It’s not mine, either.

We all expect happy endings for our stories in life. Thanks to books and movies.

I love both reading books and watching movies, but sometimes it can get a little distracting when I have to remind myself that my life isn’t like any book nor movie.

So I stopped reading and watching movies after that. I thought it’d get easier if I stopped the distraction and stopped dreaming about white horses and prince charming.

I thought by doing so, I’d be able to forget him faster and easier.

My friends told me that it was a brave and wise action of mine to do in that situation. Don’t girls hate guys who think they can get any girls they want? So, they’re supportive of my action and they’re there for me everytime I need them.

I come from a loving family. We love each other, laugh together, and share dreams to each other. But, you know, there are a few things that are better not to tell your family about. I know it sounds strange since maybe you think my family is so loving, so what’s there to be afraid of? Though so, I never tell them, even until now, this story.

It didn’t stop there. Months had passed and he’s still in my mind. Everytime the radio tuned in Red by Taylor, it reminded me of him.

When someone with mint scent passed by and I accidentally smelled it, it made my brain think of him. All of a sudden his face, his laugh, his smile appeared in my mind. And strangely, I could see him clearly even in my mind.

I tried so hard not to contact him, nor check his social media accounts. Though so, sometimes some people I followed on Instagram, and something in my chest was torn apart looking at him all happy and having much fun.

I slept with him on mind and I woke up with him as the first thought in the mind.

I never say this to my friends. And I’m not planning to do it. I guess it’s not something you can share casually, even with some good friends. You can say I’m writing all this thing down based on my true feelings.

And I guess this far, we know that just because we said we’re over someone, doesn’t mean we don’t miss or think about them anymore.

In order to forget him, I started to find reasons why I liked him. He’s good looking, yeah he was, but there must’ve been more, right? I started and continued looking for them. I’m not the type to just fall for someone just by their looks. Sure, looks attract me, but personality makes me stay.

So what’s he like? He’s funny, yeah, he told great jokes. He made me laugh. And.. I liked the way he used to look at me. Actually he didn’t really look at me. He never saw me in the eye, though. So, he’s shy. Do I like shy guys?

One question brought me to another. I started asking about what love really was. I started doubting all quotes from my favorite books and movies. I started thinking, “I don’t need any reason to love you” was confusing.

Like, what answer was that?

On the other hand, would it be acceptable if he answered, “Because you’re pretty”, or “Because you treat me nicely”? What if I were not pretty anymore? Or what if I had a very bad day and I couldn’t handle it and I didn’t treat him nicely? It’d change his love to me, wouldn’t it?

So, what’s love? Why do we love? How do we love?

I was still friend with some of our old friends. And, you know, sometimes, casually I asked them how he was. I didn’t avoid him, but I tried not to meet him so often. Like, not passing randomly on corridors or canteen. It’s easier to forget him when he’s not around.

One day, I woke up that morning, feeling all upset and sad, without knowing why. I kept feeling miserable for the whole day. After I finally got home, I laid on the bed with millions thoughts. One of them was about him, still.

Did I do the right thing? Why were both choices painful? Why couldn’t be one of them be better than the other? I told myself again that it’s not a big thing, I should stop worrying about that.

I was brushing my teeth in front of the mirror on the evening when I was looking at myself. How pitiful was I? Why was I locking myself from the world just because of one guy who could care any less about me? Who’s he to do it to me?

So, that morning, I made a promise to myself in front of the mirror that I would no longer lock myself.  I told myself that it might’ve been storming now, but it wouldn’t be storming forever. I’d be okay, that’s all I needed to believe.

I started doing things I used to do. I started reading books again, all kinds of book this time, not only romance. I started watching movies again, though I was left behind for so many good movies. That’s okay, I’ve always been a fast reader and a fast watcher, if that’s a word.

I hung out with my friends again, after months refusing their invitations to go on trips together. I no longer stayed at home after school. I found that debate club was interesting. Because I’d read some books, my knowledge was increased. I watched many movies also, and they really helped me to speak in different manners, depends on who I was talking to and what I was talking about.

I started meeting the guys in debate club and from many other clubs at my school, and I kept in mind that I only wanted to make friends. I started seeing people and the world in a different vision.

I didn’t think of him when I was busy, but when I finally got to sleep on bed, slowly but surely, he appeared in my mind. It’s not so easy to forget someone, huh? I smiled everytime he appeared in my mind with his smile. Well, you can say I also started thinking of him in a better way.

I don’t have that habit. You know.. hating your ex habit. I personally don’t get it. I once liked him, it wouldn’t change in a day nor a week. So, I don’t do that.

It went on for some time. And I didn’t try to, you know, change it. I mean, my life was great. I thought so. Then George, one of the guys in debate club, picked up his blue Ultraman pen in front of me.

“Isn’t it from Jenna?” I asked. Jenna was his ex girlfriend. They were once famous because no one ever expected anyone to handle George’s tongue. Especially not a girl.

“Yeah. Why?” he asked back.

George was someone you can have a conversation without any ‘good manners’. You can always talk to the point with him and he wouldn’t get offended. Even so, he wouldn’t hide it and he’d say it directly if he felt so.

So, I went, “You’re saving the gift from your ex? That’s impressive.”

“She got me this from Japan. It’d be useful if I want to show it off sometimes,” he laughed.

“Seriously? I thought every person who just broke up goal was to forget their ex.”

“You don’t forget them, that’s the first rule,” he said casually.

I winked, “You’ve got to be kidding me, George.”

“No, I don’t. That’s the first rule. You don’t try to forget them.”

He looked so serious that I started doubting that he’s joking around. “Okay, so the next step is..?”

“Well, you try to forget them.”

He pulled a chair and sit on it.

“Don’t try to forget your ex. They’ll appear even more often in your mind if you do so,” he said,”There’s always at least one thing that reminds you to them. Either it’s their looks, or their smell, or their habit, or when someone randomly shouts caramel frappucino and you suddenly stand up to get it because you usually do it for them.. just accept it naturally. Accept the fact that you’re not together anymore. I know it’s not easy, always remind yourself why you don’t belong to each other. You’ll find it easier.”

And, you know, as books say, it hit me.

I was thankful that day I was late to go home. That way I met George and even though he looked scary outside and not many people wanted to talk to him, I’m grateful he’s on my side. He never said it, but we both knew we’re on each other’s side. We like each other, not romantically, as friends.

After that.. I started doing what he said. I no longer told myself it’s not a big deal and I should’ve not make it so. If it’s a big deal to me, then what’s wrong? We all here are in the same hell, but dealing with different devils. Maybe this was my devil.

It’s true. Red still reminds me of him, mint scent made me think of him, and sometimes he appeared in my dreams. I didn’t deny them, I chose to accept it ‘naturally’. And slowly but surely..

He faded.

I got busier with my debate team, my friends, my vacation, my family, my blog.. I did everything I imagined doing. And truthfully, it felt satisfying. I laughed out loud with my girl friends, had so much fun debating with people I hadn’t met before, writing thoughtful words on my blog and have people read them and comment them..

..and I found my happiness and freedom.

In my heart broken, I found my happiness and freedom.

So.. back again, what’s love?

Love is, for me, when it accepts you for who you are but doesn’t let you stay there. It pushes you to grow further and better.

I’ve found it in my family. In my girl friends. In my readers. In the words that I wrote down. In my independence. In myself.

Why do we love? Because we’re loved first. How come us be loved and not loved in return? Just like a heater, it’s warm. It warms the people around it.

How do we love? It’s like asking, “How do people eat?” Well, we just.. love. If you love that person, then you’ll do your best. Because you love them.

I know that life is full of mystery. These words aren’t enough to explain how I’ve felt love in a brand new way. Sometimes the only way to enjoy uncertainty is to stay clueless, isn’t it?

We’re the new romantics, baby, we enjoy our independence and find love in every person we meet. Love isn’t always about a guy and a girl, it can be from your family and friends, too.

That guy? That’d be great if he regrets it now. 😉

***

Hello, thank you for reading!

This story started when Snap_Its_me commented on the previous story, STYLE, which boosted my mood to write (hahaha). S/he asked if there’s some possibility for its sequel.. well, here it is.

Just so you guys know, it’s very important for a writer to know if their writings are worth to read or not. And well, we’re very open about it. By writing comments and reviewing the story, you can also improve your writing skill and getting know what you don’t want to be in your writing (if you write).

All the writers here would much appreciate it more if you use nice language to comment, though.

So when I was thinking about the sequel, I was thinking like, “What could she be possibly done after losing him?” We all know forgetting somebody wasn’t as easy as knowing them. And when all these echoes and flashbacks came back, how would she respond it?

I wish she’s someone you guys can relate to, that’d make more sense if she is. Great stories are great because you read it when you’re feeling the same feeling as well the characters so.. yeah.

New Romantics was chosen as the title, remembering one of its lyrics is, “The best people in life are free”. For me, New Romantics is a song which lyrics gives me a sassy sense, dissing people for shouting what love is like and try so hard to be in a relationship, rather than being open and find your own understanding about love. That’s for me.

Thanks a lot for reading until the very end (haha). Guess I’m a big talker. See ya on my next writings! Don’t forget to like and comments!

love always,

Green