10 Years Ago

I let you go. 10 years ago.

When we both were young, mindless, and careless. When all that mattered was our own ego, when we could care less about what the other was thinking about. 

I let you go. 10 years ago.

When I was still in love, yet no words came out of my mouth. When my eyes felt like burned, my ears hearing the echo of wanting you stay… yet nothing happened. So you left and I had no choice to leave, too. Because what’s the point of staying in an empty room alone?

I let you go. 10 years ago.

This morning, we met again. Years after the break up. Years after we finished high school, graduated from college and found our passion and our places in this world. You told me I looked better than you could recall I was, I replied it by saying that you did, too. 

I let you go. 10 years ago.

You’re still the same. You still laughed on my lame jokes, I still laughed by looking you laughing. Your sense of humor was still terrible, and I still loved every bit of it.

I let you go. 10 years ago.

I noticed that you’re not as emotional as you used to be. You’re more relaxed and you laughed more. Your skin got better, which skin clinic had you gone to? You laughed, once again, and said that I looked much, much better by smiling more often and speaking more about what’s going on in my mind instead of bottled it up like I used to do.

I let you go. 10 years ago.

You asked me if I wanted to achieve more in life. You told me that I seemed to have everything I needed already; a great job with fantastic salary, nice apartment, good environment, amazing visual. What else, you asked. I told you that I was indeed more comfortable with myself and my life now than years ago, when it felt like a never-ending chaos. Now that I’d made peace with myself, everything fell into its places.

I let you go. 10 years ago.

I asked you the same question; nice clothes with good stylist, great job, supporting company; what else? You laughed and casually mentioned about our teenage. Saying that it’s the only moment you regretted. For giving up and  leaving too soon. You told me that this morning wasn’t merely a coincidence; you’ve been looking for the adress of my office, contacting my close friends, and asking them if I were dating anyone at the moment. You told me in the eyes that if there’s anything that he’s looking for in life, it would be me. If there’s any challenge in your comfortable, quiet life that you’d go for, it would be winning my heart, once again.

I let you go. 10 years ago.

But here you were, coming back after all these years.

I let you go. Years ago.

And I thought we both knew why it had to happen.